By Jim Morris

Being her own toughest critic drove Aly Ackman out of the pool.

No matter what the Pembroke, Ont., native did, she felt it wasn’t good enough. So, when she failed to qualify for the Rio 2016 Olympic Games, Ackman decided she was done with racing.

It wasn’t until a couple of years later, when she was helping coach a high school swim team near Philadelphia, that Ackman realized the problem was mental, not physical.

“I was going through some mental health issues where I was almost cruel to myself,” Ackman said. “With training, nothing was good enough. You see it a lot with athletes where you put so much pressure on yourself.”

Ackman came to understand she hadn’t given herself a fair chance to earn a spot on the Olympic team.

“To be honest, I knew I wasn’t going to make the team, months beforehand, because (the mental health issue) had been snowballing,” she said. “I felt I didn’t make it, not because I didn’t try and make it, but because I wasn’t able to try. I wasn’t at my best.”

With the support of her husband, Luke Synnestvedt, and the coaches at the Germantown Academy just north of Philadelphia, Ackman made the decision to return to swimming in February 2018. She comes into the Olympic Swimming Trials, Presented by Bell, refreshed physically and mentally.

Ackman’s comeback is built on a foundation.

“No regrets, no holding back, take every opportunity,” said the Penn State graduate. “And always have fun.

“I think that’s what was missing in 2016, I had all this pressure to succeed. I was so outcome-oriented and kind of lost focus on the process. That’s kind of where you have all the fun and when you’re usually able to succeed.”

Ackman is one of several swimmers attending the June 19-23 trials at the Toronto Pan Am Sports Centre who have either come out of retirement or this will probably be their last chance to compete at a Games.

Brent Hayden, 37, retired after winning a bronze medal in the 100-metre freestyle at the 2012 London Olympics. He returned to training at the High Performance Centre – Vancouver in 2019 with the goal of competing at the Tokyo Olympics.

Jeremy Bagshaw, 29, who is attending medical school at the University of Limerick in Ireland, and Richard Funk, 28, who trains at the Vancouver centre, are both veterans of multiple national teams trying to qualify for their first Olympics. Rio 2016 Olympic finalist Rachel Nicol, 28, of Lethbridge, Alta., is trying to get back on the national team after three years away.

Katerine Savard was part of the 4×200-m freestyle relay that won a bronze medal and broke the Canadian record in Rio. She took a five-month break from swimming in 2018.

“Everything was pretty hard, nothing was going good,” said Savard, 28, who trains at CAMO in Montreal with coach Claude St-Jean. “I just needed a break mentally and physically.

“That was the best thing I did . . . and is probably why I’m still in the pool right now.”

It took time for Savard to refocus after winning her medal in Rio.

“All my life I dreamed about winning an Olympic medal,” she said. “Once I got it, I didn’t have a dream, I didn’t know why I was still swimming.

“When I came back, I sat down with my coach and he made me realize I needed to find another dream. I think I’m still here because I have another dream to make the Olympic team for the third time.”

In 2019 Savard was a member of the women’s 4×200-m and 4×100-m freestyle that brought home silver and bronze at the Lima Pan American Games.

She also played the title role in the movie “Nadia, Butterfly,” which was named an official Cannes 2020 selection.

“That was incredible,” Savard said about making the movie. “That was a different experience but one I would do again.

“I really loved it.”

At the 2019 Canadian Swimming Trials, Ackman swam personal bests during the preliminaries of the 400-m and 200-m freestyle. She finished fourth and fifth in the finals to qualify for the Pan Am Games, her first national team since 2015.

In Lima, she swam on the same relay teams as Savard. She also earned bronze in the 400-m freestyle.

Ackman has spent the last year training at the Pointe-Claire Swim Club with coach Martin Gingras. She speaks regularly with Dani Wilson, her sports performance coach who lives in Vancouver.

One of the hardest parts of the last year is, due to COVID-19, her husband, a cybersecurity consultant, has been forced to stay in Philadelphia.

With the help of her coach, husband and those around her, Ackman heads into this year’s trials with a different attitude.

“I’m going to have my support team around me,” she said. “I think having that mindset is going to help me be successful, whether I make the team again or not.

“I think I’ve got as much as I can out of swimming. I realize it’s not really about the medals or the teams, it’s about those experiences. This past year, there’s been a lot of sacrifices and a lot of hard work. I’m so looking forward to just racing again.”